Satire

I’m all for this!  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The American state department has come up with an ingenious plan to solve China’s democratic protest problems and make our nation great again in one fell swoop. Through some great negotiating on the part of Donald Trump, we’ve struck a deal to trade all of our country’s Communists for Hong […]

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Green New Deal was laughed off as unrealistic when it was first introduced. But its architects were not deterred by the haters and pressed on trying to iron out the details of the plan that will soon save the world. In particular, their plan to get rid of all cars seemed to be slightly

This is excellent! Seth B: here’s the nod that I was talking about before.  PHILADELPHIA, PA—Speaking to a packed 30-seat arena, Bill Clinton remarked on Jeffrey Epstein’s recent passing, saying that Epstein’s cause of death “really depends on what your definition of ‘suicide’ is.” “Did Epstein commit suicide?” asked an attendee at the event. A

LOS ANGELES, CA—There was an attempted shooting earlier today but luckily, the police were close by. They managed to tackle the shooter’s AR-15 to the floor. They pinned it to the ground and kicked it a few times for good measure, though it did not appear to be resisting arrest. Bewildered, the shooter shrugged and slowly

LEIPZIG—Kigali the lioness has been hailed as a women’s rights advocate after she killed and ate her own cubs. https://babylonbee.com/news/lioness-that-killed-ate-own-cubs-offered-job-as-planned-parenthood-mascot/

Priceless!  ATLANTA, GA – According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide. “We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told

SACRAMENTO, CA—California’s governor signed into law Thursday a bill that mandates conversion therapy for straight kids. https://babylonbee.com/news/california-mandates-conversion-therapy-for-straight-kids/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has apologized for his recent seemingly racist comment, where he said that poor kids are sometimes as smart as white kids. “Everyone who knows me knows I’m not a racist,” said Biden. “I even have a black friend, Barry. Smart, articulate guy.” Aides were then seen signaling him to stop talking, but

So funny!  U.S.—A lot of people have been curious as to where people associated with Donald Trump live, so they can march on their houses with torches and pitchforks and have a civil conversation with them about politics. They’re just trying to be neighborly, and we really sympathize with that impulse. So we started looking

Thank goodness for Antifa!  PORTLAND, OR—Using new photographic future-imaging software Chronologitronic, visual media experts at Portland State University have revealed what Portland would look like had Antifa not been out on the streets hitting old people, beating up journalists, and throwing vegan coconut milkshakes at anybody they deemed “fascist.” The image reveals a hellscape of authoritarian Nazi reign.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congressional Democrats recently noticed a problem in our nation: many of the people who voted for Donald Trump have yet to be beaten up.   Our Democratic leaders in Washington decided it was time to solve this problem because they are really good at identifying problems we didn’t even know we had and then

Is this satire?  DETROIT, MI—Presidential candidate Joe Biden’s aides were once again forced to use the spray bottle at a recent campaign event. As the former vice president wandered the crowd, aides were poised throughout the room, ready to spring into action. Luckily, they were prepared with their locked and loaded spray bottles when the

NEW YORK, NY—In an effort to improve the newspaper’s ability to communicate the truths that its readers want to hear, The New York Timesannounced Tuesday its new fact-checking process: running all facts and headlines by an angry mob of liberal protesters before going to print. https://babylonbee.com/news/new-york-times-to-run-all-facts-by-angry-pitchfork-wielding-mob-before-going-to-print/

More excellent satire.  U.S—In the wake of more senseless acts of violence, people of the U.S. have decided to set aside their commonly held adherence to moral relativism to embrace cold, hard, black and white moral absolutes. “These recent tragedies are pure evil, through and through,” said one citizen. “Absolute evil.” The shift from a

Is it satire? Or not?  SACRAMENTO, CA—In a blow to believers across the west coast, a new assembly bill signed into law by Governor Jerry Brown Tuesday will require Christians in the State to register Bibles of all sizes, shapes, and translation version as “assault weapons.” Many national public safety groups and political action committees

ATLANTA, GA—The 2019 National Convention of the Democratic Socialists of America got off to a good start, with presenters, speakers, and DSA leaders giving inspiring speeches and policy papers while being really, really careful not to use any gendered language. https://babylonbee.com/news/democratic-socialists-forced-to-communicate-via-interpretative-dance-to-avoid-offending-any-attendees/

It’s hard to tell what’s satire any longer.  POLK, UT—An exhaustive new study from the CDC reveals that the leading cause of gun violence in America is your political opponents. Researchers looked at a number of potential causes of gun violence such as mental health, family situation, cultural shifts, gun laws, rap music, videogames, sugar

It’s all the video games’ fault!!! U.S.—Forts are everywhere. They’re often hastily constructed — thrown together in less than a minute from pieces of wood (and sometimes stone or steel) — and often abandoned, the kids who made them running off to make another fort in mere minutes. Parents are baffled, but an easy culprit

SAN DIEGO, CA—A polar bear at the San Diego Zoo has apologized to black bears, brown bears, and all other mammals of color for his “problematic whiteness.” https://babylonbee.com/news/woke-polar-bear-apologizes-for-being-white/

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a solemn ceremony outside the LGBTQ+ Center For Love and Tolerance in San Francisco, the letters L, G, T, Q, and the symbol + gathered to execute their former friend and ally “B” for its implication that there are only two genders. https://babylonbee.com/news/lgtq-publicly-executes-b-for-suggesting-there-are-only-two-genders/