Green New Deal To Replace All Cars With Guy Running Behind You Banging Two Empty Coconut Halves Together


WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Green New Deal was laughed off as unrealistic when it was first introduced. But its architects were not deterred by the haters and pressed on trying to iron out the details of the plan that will soon save the world.

In particular, their plan to get rid of all cars seemed to be slightly farfetched, as well as their promises to pave the streets with gold and give everyone a carbon-neutral unicorn. 

While the GND’s proponents are still stumped by the unicorn question, they’ve finally come up with a workable solution for the transportation portion of the plan: the government will provide every person in the country with a guy running behind him or her banging two empty coconut halves together to simulate the sound of a horse galloping.