More excellent satire.
U.S—In the wake of more senseless acts of violence, people of the U.S. have decided to set aside their commonly held adherence to moral relativism to embrace cold, hard, black and white moral absolutes. “These recent tragedies are pure evil, through and through,” said one citizen. “Absolute evil.”
The shift from a subjective to an objective view of morality took place almost instantly and without much thought after the violence occurred. Citizens didn’t even consider the possibility that such an evil act could be considered totally moral in some other context. “This is not one of those ‘you do you’ or ‘to each his own’ kind of things,” another citizen said.
While most citizens of the nation agree that horrible atrocities occurring across the country point to some form of real, objective evil that cannot be boiled down to “personal preference,” a majority admit they will likely return to using culturally popular blanket statements such as “it’s all relative, bro” and “good and evil are just points of view” or “evil is just a word, man,” once the tragedy of recent violence simmers down a little.
“We know that if there is real, absolute evil, then there must be real absolute good. That implies moral laws are a real thing, and that sin is real and — wow, no thanks,” another citizen explained. “The best course of action is to tell everyone that good and evil are not real and are stupid concepts 99% of the time, but when someone does something truly, absolutely evil, then we shelve the relativism and adopt absolutism as it suits us.”