Satire

Note: Tom Hansen and anyone else who cannot tell the difference, these are satirical posts.

Liberal Jumps Up From Nightmare In Which Trump Exonerated, Avenatti Arrested, Green New Deal Shot Down

More non-satire satire.  PORTLAND, OR—This morning, local liberal woman Meagan Porter jumped up from a terrible nightmare in which Trump was cleared of Russian collusion charges by Robert Mueller, Michael Avenatti was arrested for fraud and extortion, and the Green New Deal was overwhelmingly shot down in the Senate all in just a couple of …

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MSNBC Hires Chicken Little As Commentator For Remainder Of Trump’s Term

I thought they already did this back in 2018.  NEW YORK, NY—After Rachel Maddow had to be airlifted to a nearby hospital for a panic attack as Trump was exonerated by the Mueller report earlier this week, MSNBC executives began looking for a replacement commentator. They considered lots of suitable replacements, from Antifa protestors to a …

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Republicans Accused Of Colluding With Reality To Defeat Green New Deal

How dare they! Reality?  WASHINGTON, D.C.—After voting down the Green New Deal in the Senate today, Republican lawmakers were accused of colluding with reality to ensure the bill did not pass. Democrats pointed out that Republicans’ levelheaded criticisms of the sweeping legislation had all the hallmarks of influence from reality, from using logic and reason …

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Democrats Briefly Consider Investigating Ways To Beat Trump In An Election

I’m actually hoping that they spend all their time on this and don’t spend any time on spending our money.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a closed meeting Tuesday, the Democratic caucus briefly considered investigating ways to beat Trump in an election, sources familiar with the meeting said. “Someone suggested defeating him in an electoral process might be …

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Universe Begins Collapsing In On Itself After Revelation Trump Was The One Telling The Truth All Along

Read the liberal websites and this isn’t satire.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—After the Mueller investigation revealed that Trump was the one telling the truth all along, a massive black hole began forming near the universe’s center, scientists confirmed Tuesday. “It seems the laws of time and space just began to fold in on themselves with the apparent …

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Nation Awaits Apology From Media That Pushed Fake News Story For Two Years

Really not much satire here. The media did what it was supposed to do: energize the Democrats’ base for the 2018 mid-term election.  U.S.—According to sources from all across the country, the nation is still waiting for an apology for the media that pushed a fake news story connecting Donald Trump to Russia for two …

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Mueller Investigation Concludes Hillary Clinton Was Actually Just A Terrible Candidate

Which everyone knew going into this last election.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a two-year-long investigation that included thousands of indictments, hundreds of search warrants, and several guilty pleas, Robert Mueller and the FBI managed to provide conclusive proof that Hillary Clinton was actually just a terrible candidate, sources confirmed Monday. The official report summary indicated that the …

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Evangelicals Relieved Their President Now Only Guilty Of Paying Off Porn Stars, Models

The truth hurts.  U.S.—Conservative evangelicals across the country confirmed Monday they were relieved that after the Mueller Report seemingly cleared President Trump of any Russian collusion over the weekend, they now have a president who only paid off porn stars and supermodels to cover up his marital infidelity. Many Christians have come out against Trump. …

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Nation’s Psychiatric Wards Prepare For Influx Of Deranged Liberals Should Mueller Report Not Prove Collusion

Again, reality satire.  U.S.—The nation’s psychiatric wards are preparing themselves for an influx of deranged liberals, as Robert Mueller’s official report into Russian collusion has now been filed with the attorney general. As it now seems unlikely that the report will provide definitive proof that President Trump colluded with Russia during his 2016 campaign, psych wards and …

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Sick And Tired Of All This Prosperity, Nation To Try Socialism For A While

More non-satire satire.  U.S.—Sick and tired of dealing with all this prosperity, the nation has decided that it will try socialism for a while, sources confirmed Friday. Thousands of people across the nation reported that they were weary of just constantly creating more and more capital and lifting millions of people out of poverty. They’re …

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Opinion: We Are Not Coming For Your Guns—We Just Want A Sensible Ban On All Automatic, Semi-Automatic, Bolt-Action, Pump-Action, Lever-Action, Break-Action, And Muzzle-Loading Firearms

More satire that’s not satire.  Every time the gun debate flares up in America, conservatives act like we’re trying to take all the guns. It’s a ridiculous straw man argument. We don’t want to take your guns away, and we don’t want to ban common firearms. That’s all just Republican fearmongering. Very typical on the right. …

Opinion: We Are Not Coming For Your Guns—We Just Want A Sensible Ban On All Automatic, Semi-Automatic, Bolt-Action, Pump-Action, Lever-Action, Break-Action, And Muzzle-Loading Firearms Read More »

Political Institution Specifically Designed To Guard Against Angry Mobs Draws Ire Of Angry Mobs

More satire that is real life.  U.S.—The electoral college, a political institution designed specifically to guard against rule by an angry mob, has drawn the ire of angry mobs this week, shocking dozens. “Why on earth did the founders think it was a good idea to put in this political safeguard against the enraged majority!?” screamed …

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Ocasio-Cortez Slams Fox News Hosts For Not Referring To Her As ‘Dear Leader’

Or maybe Il Duce! WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a scathing Twitter thread, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took Fox News hosts to task for not referring her to her proper title: “Dear Leader.” “Fox News likes to say my name (incorrectly) as ‘Ocasio-Cortez,’ which I can only imagine is because they refuse to acknowledge me as Dear, Supreme, Glorious …

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Candidates Propose Changes To Fix Flaw In Constitution That Allows Republicans To Be Elected

Is this even satire? WASHINGTON, D.C.—A number of Democrats have proposed changes to the structure of government that they think would help them win, such as lowering the voting age to 16, abolishing the Electoral College, packing the Supreme Court, and changing how Senate seats are allocated. Now, though, some of the Democratic presidential hopefuls …

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Resurrected Che Guevara Announces 2020 Run, Democrats Quickly Criticize As ‘Too Moderate’

This is too true to be satire.  SANTA CLARA, CUBA—Is Marxist revolutionary Che Guevara too moderate for a 2020 run as a Democrat? That’s the question the left is asking after Guevara was resurrected by a leftist political action committee, Marxists for Equality, Socialism, and Stalinism. MESS activists arrived in Santa Clara earlier this week and …

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Nation Celebrates Devout Christian Missionary By Getting Totally Hammered

Truth! U.S.—Reports from around the country Saturday indicated that celebrations in honor of Christian missionary Saint Patrick consisted primarily of consuming large amounts of alcohol in order to get “totally plastered.”  Partygoers around the nation and world declared their deep level of respect and admiration for the missionary by pounding all sorts of green beer, hard liquor, …

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