Satire

Note: Tom Hansen and anyone else who cannot tell the difference, these are satirical posts.

Police Calm Millennial Protesters By Handing Out Participation Trophies

As anti-Trump rallies nationwide turned hostile with widespread reports of violence, looting, vandalism, and death threats against the president-elect and his supporters, police in numerous major cities were able to instill calm and regain control by handing out participation trophies to all millennial protesters who were enraged about losing the election, sources confirmed. The shrewd …

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Culture In Which All Truth Is Relative Suddenly Concerned About Fake News

Babylon Bee is satire, but this hits really close to home with our post-modern culture.  Sources from within the United States confirmed Tuesday that American society, while typically rejecting concepts like absolute truth and objective moral standards, is suddenly showing grave concern for the rise of fabricated news stories after a reported uptick in fake …

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Donald Trump Proposes Harnessing Liberal Tears To Provide Clean Energy

“People say I’m no good on energy. Wrong. I’m great on energy, the best.” NEW YORK, NY—Hot off the business mogul’s election day victory, Donald Trump is already proposing a plan to provide the nation with clean energy throughout all fifty states. The plan reportedly includes as a key component the harnessing of the nation’s …

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Let’s Cut To The Chase, Evangelicals: Which Exact Lie Can I Tell You To Get You To Vote For Me?

Look, Evangelicals: I’m a businessman—a very, very successful businessman—and I got this way by making the greatest deals the world has ever known. I believe in speaking bluntly, as you know, so let’s cut to the chase: I want to make a deal with you, Evangelical Christians of America. A great deal. My offer is …

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DNC Crowd Erupts As Kermit Gosnell Gives Surprise Speech From Prison

Rumors had been floating around the 2016 Democratic National Convention all week about a “special surprise speaker” set to address the crowd on its final day. That speaker turned out to be Kermit Gosnell, infamous abortion provider and barbaric serial killer of born-alive infants, who was beamed in to speak Thursday from the Huntingdon prison where …

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Nation’s Unborn Collectively Recoil As Hillary Clinton Accepts Nomination

Via The Babylon Bee In a simultaneous mass reaction which caused their millions of mothers to visibly flinch, America’s entire population of unborn babies collectively recoiled in terror at the exact moment Hillary Clinton accepted the Democratic nomination for President of the United States Thursday evening. Sources nationwide reported the occurrence, confirming that leading up to Clinton’s address, …

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Crack In Liberty Bell Seen Worsening As Democratic National Convention Kicks Off

In case you don’t catch it, the use of the phrase below “War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength” * is brilliant. It’s from George Orwell’s novel “1984” and is one of the three slogans of the English Socialist Party (“INGSOC” for short) of Oceania. The goal of INGSOC is to achieve total control …

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Hillary Clinton Rehearsing Convention Speech In Dozens Of Different Dialects

Via the ever excellent Babylon Bee: PHILADELPHIA, PA—After hiring a plethora of speech coaches to assist her in preparing for her big Thursday night address, sources confirmed Tuesday that Hillary Clinton is practicing her Democratic National Convention speech in dozens of different U.S. dialects. “Normally I just adapt my drawl to mimic whatever pitiful populace I’m currently addressing,” she …

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In Response To Recent Terror Attacks, Obama Cracks Down Hard On Global Warming

Yes, it’s satire. But brilliantly so. Via the excellent Babylon Bee: Responding to cries for greater defensive action and assurance as high-profile terror attacks ramp up worldwide, President Obama declared Tuesday that his administration is ready to get serious about global warming. “We recognize that the American people are worried, the American people are scared, and the …

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FBI Investigation Into Hillary Clinton’s Email Use Reveals She Is Above The Law

From the Babylon Bee:  After clearly and methodically laying out an iron-clad case for recommending charges against Hillary Clinton Tuesday, FBI Director James Comey instead announced that the comprehensive investigation into her use of a personal email system had found the presumptive Democratic nominee for President to be totally and utterly above the law. “We assess it is …

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Seedy Taco Truck Where Ruth Bader Ginsburg Grabs Lunch More Regulated Than Nation’s Abortion Clinics

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After championing what is being called the Supreme Court’s most significant abortion ruling in fifty years Monday, striking down Texas laws enforcing abortion industry safety regulations, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, reportedly pressed for time and “too tired to make something herself,” grabbed some lunch at seedy-looking taco truck “Jose Loco’s Crazy Tacos” during her …

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