“U.S students have lagged behind in STEM fields for far too long, so now we’re taking steps to persuade kids in other countries that a degree in physics or biology or robotics just isn’t worth it,” said Education Secretary John King Jr., conceding the new measure is the only way our nation’s children can possibly keep pace with the rest of the world.
“Less Science, More Fun,” a multi-million-dollar ad campaign will debut in Singapore this week, The Onion reports. It will show “side-by-side footage of a haggard-looking mathematician toiling away in a windowless office and a group of young, attractive paralegals laughing together over happy-hour drinks.”
Moreover, the initiative’s chief strategists relayed plans for a “highly addictive” new gaming app to be made available in foreign countries that will require absolutely no logic or reasoning skills, instead awarding points based on a player’s ability to perform simple repetitive tasks in a virtual factory that assembles vacuum cleaners.
In Scandinavia, the campaign will focus on preschoolers.
“We’re already seeing positive effects from a children’s TV series we recently launched in Finland called Iggo, which follows the adventures of Iggo the foxhound as he explores the many wonderful facets of the service sector,” said Lillian Winslow, a senior advisor at the Education Department. “Kids really love it when Iggo plays tricks on his surly next-door neighbor, a loveless and chronically dissatisfied biochemist named Dulf.”“
European and East Asian engineering majors will be offered college scholarships if they change their majors to the humanities.
Job fairs and a lecture series will feature “speakers who quit school entirely to pursue artistic passions ranging from dance to homemade jewelry-making.”
That’s via The Onion. Yes, it’s satire. Hard to tell sometimes.