Satire

Head to the failing mainline churches as your safe space from the gospel.  LOUISVILLE, KY—While some college campuses have established safe spaces where the disenfranchised can avoid the pressures, biases, and judgement of the world, mainline Protestant denominations are taking it one step further. The entire umbrella group has now been designated a safe space for those […]

How dare you impose your western thoughts on anyone else!  MUNCIE, IN—In a mathematics lesson delivered to her kindergarten class Tuesday, local teacher and closed-minded bigot Becky Delatorre reportedly insisted that two plus two equals four, all the time, to the exclusion of all other numbers, no matter how anyone feels about it. Asking her

The Islamic State’s official flag has been added to the newest batch of the popular “Coexist” bumper stickers, and will be included in all future iterations of the famous graphic, sources confirmed Monday. The new logo depicts the flag protruding from the top of the peace sign that constitutes the letter “o” in the word

From the Babylon Bee:  MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Confirming its commitment to celebrating inclusivity, Target announced in a blog post Thursday that it will now grant a 10% senior discount to any person who self-identifies as age 60 or older. It’s yet another bold display of progressive policies for the company, which confirmed it will now extend the

Via the Babylon Bee:  SPRINGFIELD, MA—Famed purveyor of dictionaries and authority on the English language, Merriam-Webster, announced on their popular website Friday an update to the definition of the word “Fascism,” which now reads “a political philosophy, movement, or regime (as that of the Fasciti), or anyone or anything else, really, that one disagrees with in any

From the Babylon Bee:  U.S.—In a rare display of surrender, scientists across the nation have given up their extensive search to prove that Bill Nye “The Science Guy” is a reliable spokesperson for the principles of scientific inquiry. According to sources, researchers threw in the towel after viewing a recent episode of Nye’s new variety

Well this is a relief!  Undercover Videos Exposing Animal Cruelty Still OK, California AG Clarifies | The Babylon Bee LOS ANGELES, CA-In the wake of his announcement that he would be charging the creators of the undercover videos that exposed Planned Parenthood’s practice of selling fetal tissue with 15 felonies, California Attorney General Xavier Becerra

Satire that’s too close to reality.  Miraculous: Clump Of Cells Transforms Into Fully Formed Baby Upon Womb Exit | The Babylon Bee AKRON, OH-According to witnesses of the miraculous event, an amorphous clump of cells was instantaneously transformed into a beautiful, fully formed human baby the moment it was delivered at Grace Hospital Wednesday afternoon.

Man Holding Door For Woman Clearly Sexist Pig | The Babylon Bee COACHELLA, CA-Leaving The Bistro restaurant midday Tuesday after lunch with some girlfriends, Lauren Willis was subjected to a selfish and demeaning gesture: a smiling, middle-aged, narrow-minded, obtuse, sexist pig of a man held the door open for her. “I couldn’t believe it,” Willis

President Trump on Wednesday rescinded an Obama administration order to all public schools which stated that, in order to comply with federal law, all school policies must be based on “gender identity” and not biological sex. The overturned Obama order directed schools to thoroughly prove students’ gender identity before allowing them access to the opposite

New Registry Allows Engaged Same-Sex Couples To Choose Which Christian Florist To Put Out Of Business | The Babylon Bee U.S.-A new online wedding registry will allow same-sex couples to choose which Christian florist they plan to sue and permanently put out of business as they celebrate their union. The registry, called ASSIMIL8, provides gay

After living in the United States for over a hundred years, the French-born Statue of Liberty was detained and deported Tuesday by direct order of President Donald Trump, sources confirmed. The deportation of the iconic statue is just the latest development from the immigration order signed by President Trump his second week in office which

As anti-Trump rallies nationwide turned hostile with widespread reports of violence, looting, vandalism, and death threats against the president-elect and his supporters, police in numerous major cities were able to instill calm and regain control by handing out participation trophies to all millennial protesters who were enraged about losing the election, sources confirmed. The shrewd

Babylon Bee is satire, but this hits really close to home with our post-modern culture.  Sources from within the United States confirmed Tuesday that American society, while typically rejecting concepts like absolute truth and objective moral standards, is suddenly showing grave concern for the rise of fabricated news stories after a reported uptick in fake

“People say I’m no good on energy. Wrong. I’m great on energy, the best.” NEW YORK, NY—Hot off the business mogul’s election day victory, Donald Trump is already proposing a plan to provide the nation with clean energy throughout all fifty states. The plan reportedly includes as a key component the harnessing of the nation’s

Look, Evangelicals: I’m a businessman—a very, very successful businessman—and I got this way by making the greatest deals the world has ever known. I believe in speaking bluntly, as you know, so let’s cut to the chase: I want to make a deal with you, Evangelical Christians of America. A great deal. My offer is

Rumors had been floating around the 2016 Democratic National Convention all week about a “special surprise speaker” set to address the crowd on its final day. That speaker turned out to be Kermit Gosnell, infamous abortion provider and barbaric serial killer of born-alive infants, who was beamed in to speak Thursday from the Huntingdon prison where

Via The Babylon Bee In a simultaneous mass reaction which caused their millions of mothers to visibly flinch, America’s entire population of unborn babies collectively recoiled in terror at the exact moment Hillary Clinton accepted the Democratic nomination for President of the United States Thursday evening. Sources nationwide reported the occurrence, confirming that leading up to Clinton’s address,

In case you don’t catch it, the use of the phrase below “War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength” * is brilliant. It’s from George Orwell’s novel “1984” and is one of the three slogans of the English Socialist Party (“INGSOC” for short) of Oceania. The goal of INGSOC is to achieve total control

Via the ever excellent Babylon Bee: PHILADELPHIA, PA—After hiring a plethora of speech coaches to assist her in preparing for her big Thursday night address, sources confirmed Tuesday that Hillary Clinton is practicing her Democratic National Convention speech in dozens of different U.S. dialects. “Normally I just adapt my drawl to mimic whatever pitiful populace I’m currently addressing,” she