Satire

Halle Berry recently apologized for considering playing the part of a transgender man. Under literally any other circumstances, a progressive feminist like myself would applaud the bravery of a woman taking over a man’s job. However, we’re talking about a transgender man, so it’s different.  Under previous gender paradigms, it might be considered a sign […]

PORTLAND, OR—Portlanders and other citizens of Democrat-controlled cities have been sounding the alarm on President Trump’s “secret police,” federal agents who are arresting citizens in broad daylight for peacefully protesting with bricks and hand grenades and stuff.   https://babylonbee.com/news/federal-secret-police-disguise-selves-as-rioters-so-democrat-mayors-will-let-them-do-whatever-they-want/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At her weekly press briefing today, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi commented on the removal of statues by protesters, saying, “We have to knock the statues down to find out if they’re racist.” https://babylonbee.com/news/pelosi-we-have-to-knock-the-statues-down-to-find-out-if-theyre-racist/

EASTERN OKLAHOMA—The Supreme Court decided this week that half of Oklahoma is Native American land. Failed presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren was seen soon after in the newly formed Eastern Oklahoma Autonomous Zone with an authentic tomahawk and bow purchased in a gift shop, declaring herself to be the warlord of the area. https://babylonbee.com/news/elizabeth-warren-declares-herself-warlord-of-eastern-oklahoma-autonomous-zone/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference earlier this week, Representative Ilhan Omar called on the nation to dismantle the oppressive, racist system that allowed a Somalian refugee to become a citizen and get elected to the highest legislative body in the land. https://babylonbee.com/news/omar-we-must-dismantle-the-oppressive-system-that-allowed-a-refugee-to-get-elected-to-the-highest-legislative-body-in-the-land/

U.S.—In an ongoing effort to make sure cartoon characters are only voiced by actors who are exactly like them, Abraham “Grampa” Simpson will now be voiced by Joe Biden in all future episodes of The Simpsons. https://babylonbee.com/news/grampa-simpson-to-be-voiced-by-joe-biden/

There is a blight on this country, and it is right-wingers slandering progressives by claiming that we’re intolerant and unreasonable with this made-up thing they call “cancel culture.” Why would people express such enmity toward the American left, people who are all about compassion and caring for others? Obviously the only explanation is that the

U.S.—Americans said they are excited to celebrate Independence Day this year while confined to their homes by government order. “I sure am glad I live in a free country,” said one man in California as he checked his phone to see what the current unilateral mandates by his governor would allow him to do this

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A controversial video went viral Monday showing President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump brandishing guns as a mostly peaceful group of reporters approached the White House. Trump held an AR-15 and Melania waved around a semiautomatic pistol as reporters neared the White House, presumably to ask questions. https://babylonbee.com/news/controversial-video-of-trump-and-melania-brandishing-guns-as-reporters-near-white-house/

U.S.—The Navy SEALs are being disbanded and replaced with a new branch of the military: The United States Social Workers.   https://babylonbee.com/news/navy-seals-to-be-replaced-with-social-workers/

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—In a powerful display of their care for love and justice, protesters in Minneapolis burned the word “LOVE” into the city, arranging the inspiring message with homes and businesses set ablaze by their riots. https://babylonbee.com/news/powerful-protesters-spell-out-love-with-burning-homes-and-businesses/

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter has rolled out a new warning label and fact-check system to call out tweets that are false, like when President Trump says anything at all. https://babylonbee.com/news/twitter-fact-check-finds-chinese-propaganda-morally-true/

U.S.—A new study has found that executive abuses of power are only a big deal when the other political party is in power. https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-executive-overreach-only-a-big-deal-when-other-party-in-power/

The Bible tells us to work smarter, not harder. Or, better yet, don’t work at all if you can help it. You can look it up. It’s in the Proverbs somewhere. That’s why we’re announcing today that we will simply be republishing everything Joe Biden says word for word rather than spending a lot of

SANTEE JUNCTION, MO—At an early voting location this morning, African American citizen Conroy Ferguson turned white after voting Republican. Witnesses also claim he aged about 10 years and become perceivably more stuffy and unpleasant. Upon checking his wallet, Ferguson found his name had also changed to Clinton Hemsley. https://babylonbee.com/news/black-man-votes-republican-immediately-turns-white/