Satire

U.S.—Netflix is embroiled in controversy yet again with its new documentary Puppy Murder, a show where the director kills puppies to teach you that murdering puppies is bad. https://babylonbee.com/news/new-netflix-movie-actually-murders-puppies-to-teach-that-murdering-puppies-is-bad/

U.S.—For the past few months, the riots across America have been relatively peaceful, with people able to loot stores, beat bystanders, and burn down buildings without any fear of violence. That has changed recently, though, with the deployment of the National Guard in some places and the outbreak of armed right-wingers in other areas. “It

I can no longer tell what is satire.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Leftists announced a bold new tactic to eradicate fascism from the land today: marching in lockstep through the streets and accosting anyone who doesn’t chant their slogans and perform their special salute. “We did it! We defeated fascism!” cried one elated protester after the mob accosted

WILMINGTON, DE—During a recent interview, Joe Biden made comments stating that unlike the African American community, Latinos are diverse with a multitude of opinions and attitudes. Biden has now decided to address this lack of diversity himself and host a diversity training seminar for the black community. https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-holds-a-diversity-training-seminar-for-the-african-american-community/

WILMINGTON, DE—According to sources within the Joe Biden campaign, staffers have been instructed to pick “any black person” for vice president, “since they all think the same anyway.”   https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-tells-staffers-to-pick-any-black-person-for-vp-since-they-all-think-the-same-anyway/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has announced he will be selecting a female vice president, a move many assumed was pandering to the ladyfolk. But it’s actually a brilliant move, according to top analysts, since the move will save taxpayers almost 30% on the vice president’s salary. https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-to-save-taxpayers-nearly-30-by-selecting-female-vp/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Jerry Nadler continued to insist that the violent riots across the country are “a myth” in a hearing today, even as Antifa rioters stormed the Capitol Building and set fire to the very room Nadler was testifying in. https://babylonbee.com/news/the-violent-riots-are-a-myth-says-rep-nadler-as-antifa-sets-fire-to-congressional-hearing-room/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Yesterday, aides went down into the basement to check on Joe Biden, deliver him a protein shake, and bring him a special surprise: season 3 of Matlock on VHS. They were horrified to find he had escaped, having left only a cryptic note reading “I’M BEING HELD HOSTAGE AND THEY’RE MAKING ME RUN FOR

CARSON CITY, NV—Calvary Chapel of the Desert was informed by the state that it was violating the state’s strict restrictions on church gatherings. So, Pastor Chuck Carver figured out a clever way around the stringent requirements: he installed slot machines in the church, and now his church is able to do whatever it wants. https://babylonbee.com/news/nevada-church-skirts-coronavirus-restrictions-by-installing-slots/

U.S.—Leftists are warning that President Donald Trump might not accept the results of the 2020 election. These same lefitsts have spent the last four years declaring that Trump is not their president, that Hillary Clinton actually won because she won the popular vote, and that Trump only won because of Russian interference. “It would absolutely

U.S.—A concerning rise in test scores, independent thinking, and intelligence has been attributed to public schools being shut down across the nation.   https://babylonbee.com/news/rising-sat-scores-attributed-to-school-shutdowns/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Nick Sandmann settled yet another nine-figure lawsuit today, dozens of people went out in MAGA hats, gathering outside The Washington Post’s offices in hopes that they too would be defamed by the newspaper.   https://babylonbee.com/news/dozens-gather-in-maga-hats-in-hopes-washington-post-will-defame-them-so-they-can-become-millionaires/

PORTLAND, OR—Hank Drake owns a woodworking shop on the outskirts of Portland, Hank’s Planks. But Drake is in danger of losing everything now that he was caught committing a hate crime: painting over a BLM mural lovingly painted on his storefront by peaceful protesters last week. Horrified witnesses say the man callously took a roller