Satire

Note: Tom Hansen and anyone else who cannot tell the difference, these are satirical posts.

Cash-Strapped CNN Now Just Recycling Old Articles But Replacing ‘Russian Collusion’ With ‘Ukrainian Scandal’

ATLANTA, GA—Strapped for cash and failing in ratings, CNN has discovered an innovative new way to cut costs: simply rerunning articles from a year or two ago and replacing the phrase “Russian collusion” with an updated term, “Ukrainian scandal.” https://babylonbee.com/news/more-news-organizations-just-rerunning-articles-from-last-year-but-replacing-russian-collusion-with-ukranian-collusion/

Elizabeth Warren Reveals Plan To Pay For Medicare For All: New Color Printer That Prints Realistic-Looking $100 Bills

She’s no different than any other politician. Republicans just want to print $50 bills.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has been pressed a lot on how she plans to pay for Medicare for All — a plan that could require $34 trillion in additional federal spending over ten years — without raising taxes on the …

Elizabeth Warren Reveals Plan To Pay For Medicare For All: New Color Printer That Prints Realistic-Looking $100 Bills Read More »

California Mandates All American Flags Have Stars Of Anti-LGBTQ States Removed

SACRAMENTO, CA—The California State Legislature passed a law today which requires every American flag in the state to have the stars representing anti-LGBTQ states removed. Governor Gavin Newsom signed the bill in rainbow ink this morning and then blew a kiss to the CNN camera in front of him. https://babylonbee.com/news/california-mandates-all-american-flags-have-stars-of-anti-lgbtq-states-removed/

Congress Claims Situation In Syria Is Bad But Not Bad Enough For Them To Actually Declare War

Think about this for a second. Yes, it’s satire. But… WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress slammed President Trump for not doing more about the situation in Syria. They said the situation over there is really bad but quickly clarified that it wasn’t bad enough for them to use their constitutional powers to declare war. https://babylonbee.com/news/senate-claims-situation-in-syria-is-bad-but-not-bad-enough-for-them-to-actually-declare-war/

ABC News Airs Authentic Footage Of 164-Foot-Tall Godzilla Rampaging Through Syria

Again: how do you define fake news?  NEW YORK, NY—ABC News has been praised as a bastion of journalistic integrity and in-depth reporting after being the first ones to air authentic footage of a 164-foot-tall lizard monster rampaging through Syria. https://babylonbee.com/news/abc-news-labels-scene-from-1954s-godzilla-as-authentic-syria-footage/

RNC Raising Money To Help Democrats Televise Five Debates A Week

If only.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Republican National Committee has launched an ambitious fundraiser to help the Democrats televise a debate every weeknight. https://babylonbee.com/news/republican-national-committee-raising-money-to-help-democrats-televise-5-live-debates-a-week/

Orcs Crash AOC Rally To Suggest Eating Tasty Hobbits

NEW YORK, NY—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently held a town hall where a party of orcs stole the show. As Ocasio-Cortez was driving home a point about saving the planet by decreasing our own existence, an orc spoke up and said “What about them? They’re fresh!” pointing at some hobbits in the audience. “Excuse me?” asked …

Orcs Crash AOC Rally To Suggest Eating Tasty Hobbits Read More »

Sweating Trump Begins Punching Decades’ Worth Of Financial Information Into TurboTax

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a federal judge ruled that Trump could not keep his tax returns secret throughout an investigation in New York, a frantic, sweating Trump accessed the free version of TurboTax online and quickly began punching in his tax information for the last several decades. https://babylonbee.com/news/sweating-trump-begins-punching-last-few-years-taxes-into-turbo-tax/

Media Horrified By Lack Of Violence At Joker Screenings

U.S.—Our nation’s intrepid journalists had been warning the country about the threat of the Joker movie and how it could encourage violence among disaffected white people and incels — the new greatest threat to mankind. And as reporters prepared for an onslaught of violence as Joker premiered over the weekend, they were horrified by what …

Media Horrified By Lack Of Violence At Joker Screenings Read More »

Forgiveness Added To Database Of Racist Gestures

U.S.—Forgiveness and hugs are among the 36 new entries recently added to a database of hateful gestures used by white supremacists and other far-right extremists. https://babylonbee.com/news/forgiveness-added-to-database-of-racist-gestures/