MINAS TIRITH—Orcs marched on Minas Tirith this morning in a mostly peaceful protest.
The rioters marched for peace, justice, and love in a calm, peaceful, orderly gathering outside the city walls. The mostly peaceful protesters launched peaceful siege projectiles at the city and sent Nazguls to maul Gondorian soldiers in a demonstration of their love and tolerance.
“Everything is very calm, very peaceful here,” said a reporter from Gondor News Network. “It’s very tranquil.” Just then, an Oliphaunt charged right at him and flattened him intolembas bread.
Gondor’s government was criticized for “police brutality” when, after a long period of inaction, Rohan’s armies finally charged in to break things up.
“We were just peacefully protesting — Gondor had no right to peacefully protest back,” said one Orc. “Two of their agents were even having a contest to see how many of us they could kill — and they were killing the majestic, endangered Oliphaunts! I’m literally shaking right now.”