Satire

Note: Tom Hansen and anyone else who cannot tell the difference, these are satirical posts.

10 Ways You Can Drastically Reduce Your Carbon Footprint This Very Instant

Do it!  Living a carbon-neutral life isn’t always easy, but with hard work, dedication, and lots of self-loathing, it can be done. Here are ten ways you can reduce your carbon footprint at this very moment: 1.) Kill yourself. This is a surefire strategy to make your carbon footprint as small as possible. Just make sure …

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‘Why Are Republicans So Obsessed With Me?’ Asks Wildly Popular Democrat Whose Ideas Threaten To Destroy Everything America Holds Dear

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A wildly popular Democratic lawmaker who seems to be poised to take over the entire liberal movement asked in a video posted to her social media accounts Wednesday why Republicans and conservatives are so obsessed with her when her dangerous socialist ideas threaten to destroy everything this country holds dear.

Half-Human, Half-Robot Justice Enters Supreme Court, Introduces Self As Ruth Bader Gins-Borg

She’s “mostly dead” (quoting Miracle Max).  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Yesterday after the United States Supreme Court opened and justices began filing in, a half-robot, half-human with the face of Ruth Bader Ginsburg entered wielding an arm cannon, body armor, enhanced retinal targeting, and an integrated jetpack. “I AM RUTH BADER GINS-BORG. PLEASE PROCEED,” the cybernetic justice said …

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Confronted With Details Of Green New Deal, Ocasio-Cortez Claims Not To Speak English

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The controversial Green New Deal ran into trouble early on when an FAQ of the details was placed on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s website and then pulled down after it received scrutiny. For a while her people claimed the FAQ never existed, and when directly asked about it, Ocasio-Cortez has not answered questions, claiming not to …

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Green New Deal Promises Energy-Efficient Gulags In Every Neighborhood

They want everyone equal (well, everyone except for the: see Bernie’s three houses).  Democrats have never learned the lesson from socialism: everyone is equally poor. Brilliant.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The full Green New Deal was revealed by Democratic lawmakers Thursday morning. The sweeping legislative proposal includes ambitious projects like installing high-speed rail across the nation, replacing or upgrading …

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Racist Construction Worker Insists New Home Have Walls

How dare he! <satire> CHULA VISTA, CA—Take a good look at this construction worker. He may look like your everyday working joe, but Ed Michaels is anything but an honest, hard-working American: he’s actually a huge racist.