MOSCOW—Brutal totalitarian dictator Joseph Stalin has warned Democrats that they may be going “too far left.”
“The Dems are kinda scaring me with all this far-left stuff,” Stalin said during a brief visit from his father’s house below. “Yes, I was one of history’s most deranged mass murderers, killing, like, 20 million people, but even I knew a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl. And we didn’t have any of this weird transgender athlete stuff—we just used steroids to stifle the competition and fired AK-47s at athletes’ feet until they ran faster.”
“Honestly, I’m a little worried,” Stalin said, distancing himself from the leftist wing of the Democratic Party. “If they keep this up, they’ll kill even more people than I did.”
Stalin’s comments immediately faced backlash on social media, with progressives sarcastically asking Stalin whether he thought “a livable wage,” “good healthcare,” and “mass starvation resulting from government’s inability to plan an economy” were “too far left.”
He has been canceled, reburied, and his old tweets are being investigated.