BEIJING—President of the People’s Republic of China Xi Jinping made a surprise announcement to a few invited members of the press. “Everything is great here!” he said. “In fact… um… we’ve completely eradicated Coronavirus here — cured it even. Yep, cured it. We found a cure. But it… um… only works on the Chinese so we can’t give it to you. Yeah, that’s the ticket. China-only cure; can’t share it. But, uh, everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?”