Satire

That’s what happened with Obama.  U.S.—A sense of dread, terror, and certain doom overcame the nation Friday as Americans suddenly realized that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will probably win the presidency once she’s eligible in 2024.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking to her constituents in her weekly address, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi revealed her favorite Bible verse: “War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.”

They want everyone equal (well, everyone except for the: see Bernie’s three houses).  Democrats have never learned the lesson from socialism: everyone is equally poor. Brilliant.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—The full Green New Deal was revealed by Democratic lawmakers Thursday morning. The sweeping legislative proposal includes ambitious projects like installing high-speed rail across the nation, replacing or upgrading

How dare he! <satire> CHULA VISTA, CA—Take a good look at this construction worker. He may look like your everyday working joe, but Ed Michaels is anything but an honest, hard-working American: he’s actually a huge racist.

ROTFL!!! WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senator Elizabeth Warren is embroiled in controversy once again, this time after she admitted to wearing racially offensive “paleface” at a costume party back in her college days.

Pretty much.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump, currently under 17 investigations, boldly condemned the idea of investigations in his State of the Union address Tuesday evening.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In remarks leading up to the State of the Union address Tuesday evening, Democratic lawmakers accused Republicans of being brainwashed and following Trump no matter what he does, all while wearing matching white uniforms and only clapping when their party leaders signaled it was OK to do so.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After President Trump bravely declared that he’s against murdering puppies in the State of the Union address Tuesday evening, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took a brave stand by sitting in defiance of his controversial remarks.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Analysts confirmed during the State of the Union address Tuesday evening that while Nancy Pelosi’s rapid blinking may have appeared random, she was in fact sending a message: “Please send help” in Morse code.

It wouldn’t surprise me.  WASHINGTON, D.C.—Notorious serial killer and champion of women’s rights Kermit Gosnell is set to attend Trump’s State of the Union address this evening as Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s special guest, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Playing the trump card.  RICHMOND, VA—Embattled Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is fighting calls for his resignation over his past wearing of blackface. He assures the public that he is not a racist and that his policy of infanticide is to be applied equally to babies of all colors.

My thoughts exactly!  U.S.—After Virginia Governor Ralph Northam became embroiled in a controversy over an old yearbook photo, the nation’s Democrats announced they were suddenly concerned about ruining someone’s life over decades-old accusations without respecting due process.

U.S.—When King Solomon was presented with a dispute between two women over a baby, Solomon announced he would cut the baby in half. Applause erupted from a number of feminists in attendance, who praised Solomon’s wise judgment that would advance women’s rights.  

NEW YORK, NY—In a video interview Tuesday, Planned Parenthood president Leana Wen thanked Governor Northam for his recent racist yearbook photo scandal, which has distracted from the fact that Planned Parenthood is still killing far more black babies every day than the KKK ever did.

ATLANTA, GA—In the interest of fairness in broadcasting, CNN has announced the cable news channel will give members of ISIS equal time to respond to President Trump’s State of the Union address later this evening.

Truth. Stressing that a barrier at the southern border would be shameful and discriminatory, Democrats again declared Thursday that constructing a wall at the U.S.-Mexico border for national security purposes would be “immoral,” while they continued to gleefully advocate for legalized infanticide.

U.S.—The entire nation reportedly passed out from lack of oxygen after declaring they would hold their breath waiting for those on the left to denounce the radical abortion stance taken by several Democrat leaders over the past couple of weeks.

All the Hawks the money can buy.  The Senate advanced a measure this week to rebuke President Trump for withdrawing troops from Syria and Afghanistan in a bipartisan effort to defend the only thing the left and the right still agree on: endless foreign wars.

A new law proposed by representatives in the Virginia state legislature would allow parents to abort their non-viable millennial children.

AKRON, OH—According to witnesses of the miraculous event, an amorphous clump of cells was instantaneously transformed into a beautiful, fully formed human baby the moment it was delivered at Grace Hospital Wednesday afternoon.  “Our little bundle of joy is so precious,” mother Hannah Bramer told reporters as she held her baby boy for the first