CALIFORNIA—Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates.
Californians all announced they are complying with the plan and instead of celebrating Thanksgiving will be holding Black Lives Matter turkey barbecues scheduled, coincidentally, for November 26. The dinner protests will include turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green bean casseroles, candied yams, and those delicious cheesy potatoes.
“We just want to show our support for BLM by cooking up a huge meal and gathering together with friends and family,” said one family father in Temecula. “I can’t think of any better way to protest alongside the BLM movement than contemplating the injustices they’re trying to call attention to as we eat a giant meal and give thanks — for, you know, Black Lives Matter or whatever.”
“And, you know, maybe we’ll watch a football game and go toss a pigskin around outside during halftime.”